A Shift With My Journalling

I started to journal regularly at café’s shortly after my mum passed away and when I did I started with a cheap soft cover lined journal. When I had completed that one, I decided to spend a bit more money and honour what I was writing and found my first Pepper Pot journal.

It’s been five pretty and committed years of scribing my thoughts as I have sipped coffee in satisfying contentment.

I was getting to the end of my current journal and this is when  the hunt begins for a new Pepper Pot however, this year was difficult and none of the regular haunts stocked them any more, like none!! I searched for a good two months and even went searching while I was in Perth just recently.

NONE

This is when I really started to talk to God about my journal conundrum and my discussion with God has led me in a whole new journalling direction.

I bought myself a visual diary and lets just say that I’m glad I listened to God when he spoke “It’s a new day”

So armed with my new journal style I went to a cafe and came up with this

I really enjoy this new style and feel released and free. I have also noticed that something powerful is happening as I am doing this. It feels as though I have connected with God in a way that is beyond myself and that when I am drawing, I am praying.

I have also experienced some powerful unexpected moments like the time I met a lovely family from Saudi Arabia. The little boy drew a picture of me which I will treasure forever.

I have also noticed that by drawing it is helping me get my ideas for preaching or teaching and my brain is getting into some kind of order.

This is some of my notes for a sermon that I am working on

This is the start of my lesson plan for teaching about Permaculture

It’s like the flood gates have opened and I’m feeling refreshed at this shift in my journalling. It’s like paddling in a canoe with the current on my side and all of creation is cheering me on. It’s a joy, it’s powerful, It’s love.

 

Off loading my crap to the girl at Gloria Jeans!!!!

This Christmas holiday break has not felt like a break at all!!! I, in my greatness of wisdom decided to do a study period consisting of two subjects smack bang in the middle of a BLOODY HOLIDAY!!!! Seriously who studies at this time of year???? Not only have I been stressed out to my eyeballs studying, sadly my Father-in-law passed away just before Christmas. I tell you now, it’s very hard to concentrate when you are faced with all of this going on.

I want to be strong, I want to excel like some freaky Wonder women (does she even exist??) I want to be a mum to my son and a wife to my husband who just lost his dad and I want to be happy and have my sanity to remain intact. But let me inform you all, I’m losing  it, I’m not strong at the moment and I’ll never be a freaky wonder women and my Son and husband deserve a mum and wife who’s sanity is in tact.

Today I went for coffee but I ordered a chi latte instead (gosh they’re nice) and before you know it I’m offloading all my crap to the girl who works at Gloria Jeans. I was explaining how next study period I will drop a subject so that I can recover my sanity. She said “no way! get it all over and done with as soon as you can” I said “NO!! noooooo waaaaay” I then commenced to give her a monologue of Tamar philosophy of why one must not try to get things over and done with.

I was on a roll I expressed with passion that “it’s not worth it, what’s  the point of getting there quickly when you haven’t enjoyed the journey. getting a degree doesn’t define who I am. For goodness sake I’m 39 and it took me this long to finally begin to study. what’s the rush??? I value my happiness. What kind of mum can I be to my child who has a disability if I’m stressed out bawling my eyes out every day??? It’s the tortoise that got there first!! Slow and steady wins the race. Being healthy isn’t just physical but mental too. This society puts too much pressure for people to rush. Everyone’s rushing and not taking the time to just enjoy their life. I am not that person, I need holidays, I need my heart to be restful, I need to go a slower pace, I need to enjoy the journey and that’s what I intend to do”

So!!! that’s me, just offloading my crap to the girl at Gloria Jeans!!!!!

I can’t wait to get started!!!

I finally enrolled myself into doing a Bachelor of Education (early childhood) and I can’t wait to start. I’ve been wanting to go back to study for a while now and have been so frustrated by my procrastination that I couldn’t bear yet another year of non study!!!

I’ve decided to go distance learning as it will be flexible and fit into my life style, such us writing in a cafe while my son is at school. As I have been weekly journaling for nearly two years I have proven to myself that I indeed, have the self discipline of committing words to paper of my own accord. I also love the subject matter and feel very passionate about it that I know I will enjoy the journey of study.

I feel that it will empower me with more opportunities for employment and give  strength to what I already know and do on a volunteer basis. I am madly passionate about children being allowed to be children that’s why I love being a volunteer for Playgroup NSW. I visit playgroups and do crazy fun craft activities with the children and get to be like a little kid again for and hour.

I guess a part of me just never grew up and you know what???

I’m glad!!!!!

Weekly photo challenge: old fashioned

For this weeks photo challenge I was going through some of my early recent shots and as soon as I came across this one I thought “yes!! choose this one”

I call this my vintage journal and the pen my vintage writing apparatus. When I skip down to my local cafe to commence my journaling at times I really do feel old-fashioned. With today’s access to technology and social media it’s so easy to just type, text, send a message via Facebook, tweet, blog and instagram.  You would think with all these new ways of communication that the pen and paper would be made obsolete.

Nevertheless, I don’t let this sway me as I enjoy the action of holding a pen and physically committing pen to paper. I love the look and feel of my journal, it’s so pretty and special.  Yes technology has come and made its dominate presence felt but you will always get those who like to do the tactile old fashion way.

So here’s to doing something that is old-fashioned!!!!

I guess I’m just a fair weather adventurer then!!!!

Today I am car-less as my Husband needed the car to attend a training day for his work. My Son’s Grandma took him to school so it’s like a have an almighty free day today. My plan was to take a big walk around the lake which is just down the hill from my place and enjoy a nice rewarding coffee at the funky cafe I recently found.

I woke this morning to a very chilly and windy day and thought I may need to come up with another plan for the day. I decided instead of a big adventure walk that I’ll take a 15min dash down to the local shopping center. I armed myself with my book, took myself to Gloria Jeans and had a lovely morning reading and doing coffee.

I have no shame, yes!!! I am a fair weather adventurer and that’s okay. Well to be kind to myself I had to walk in the freezing cold for 15mins TWICE!!!!

Celebrating my 100th post!!!!

To make to my 100th post really makes me feel quite chuffed as it shows me that this blogging thing isn’t just a fad but now part of my regular doing of life.

I love the process of writing and always have. Years ago I was a part of a writer’s group where we met weekly, had homework, did  on the spot writing and had to read our words out to receive feedback. Although I don’t go to that writing group anymore, I feel through blogging it gives me that same type of satisfaction.

I love taking my journal to any cafe to commence with writing down my thoughts. I miss painting and it has been put on hold for a little bit so blogging has been very important part of my creative process. When I was describing to a fellow painter friend about my lack of painting production he very wisely answered with this “Tamar what is drawing or painting? it is an activity where you put a selection of lines together to create an image that is seen with the eye! now what is writing? An activity where you put a selection of lines together to create an image that is seen with the mind”

I thought his response was genius and I am always thinking about that statement whenever I’m being creative of some sort. It really doesn’t matter what medium you use to express your self, just as long as you do.

A date with Slinky

If you have been following my blog you would know that I regularly cafe journal at a local cafe each week. For me it is a very relaxing and highly enjoyable activity that keeps me feeling happy and recharged. On some of these adventures I meet either people who I know or have conversations with random strangers. Today I had coffee with Mr Slinky. Everyone meet Mr Slinky, Mr Slinky meet everyone!!!

Feeling free….. reclaiming my cafe journaling!!!!

I find it interesting that something could be bothering you in such a way that you don’t recognise it’s such a burden until it’s gone. At the beginning of term this year my cafe journaling was interrupted  by an unexpected situation that I would never have predicted ever!!!

I ended up having coffee with a guy that i’d met through one of my coffee  support group’s. He seemed okay at first until it went a bit weird and creepy. He gave me a look that suggested that we both had different reason’s for sharing a coffee and I did not like it. At that moment, I realised that I could not come here again at this time on this day because it was clear that he’d become a hanger-on that I couldn’t shake away. You know, like nits!!!!

To cut a creepy saga short this guy had been crack-en onto all the mum’s and all the girls who worked at the cafe. In one incidence  he called me when he knew my husband wasn’t home. My husband called him a stalker, Kim (my pastor) called him a fishermen like he was throwing out a line to all us girls and John the train driver (who occasionally joins us for coffee) called him a sleaze. These are all very strong statements coming from the men who had encountered him.

A couple of weeks ago I confronted this man. It was necessary in order to reclaim what I’d been enjoying doing ever since I sorted mum’s ashes out a year and a half ago. At first I was avoiding the time frame but  a friend convinced me of the wrongness of that because it was my thing to do. So then I was having my husband accompany me on those particular morning’s and typically, Mr Creepy man was a no-show.

The day I confronted him was the very day that my husband wasn’t with me. Wow what a coincidence !!…NOT!!! I told him that I wasn’t going to have coffee with him that day. I said that I would be happy to have coffee with the group or if my husband was with me but not if it was just him and me. I then told him that when he rang me that both my husband and I felt very uncomfortable because it was in the time frame when he knew my husband was not at home. I then said it made me question his intentions. He looked devastated like I broke up with him so I walked away and found a seat and reclaimed my cafe journaling!!

I’ve now had a few weeks of freedom and it’s incredible how this situation was weighing me down. Since the confrontation I’ve once again been able to say to people who if they want to join me I’m here on this day. I now freely have been writing out all my stuff that then effects how I blog. Incidentally  my blogging suffered as a result of this fiasco and I struggled to keep up with my weekly bogging challenge. I had been suffering from a bit of stress lately and it’s amazing how this time gives me the recharge I need to get up and cope with a child who has additional needs.

I’m not one who likes a confrontation but sometimes it’s necessary. You have to have good boundaries and then protect them or otherwise you can lose your freedom. I’m glad I’ve had this experience because it has only made me stronger and wiser.  As for Mr Creepy, he’s not my responsibility and he needs to face his own issues without me being a prop in his fantasy.

If only I had the power to change this situation!!!

Yesterday morning as I was doing my regular journaling I sat to ponder for a moment about the gods of consumerism and materialism and really had a moment of despair. I’m a person who had tried to live her life not subject to such a tyrant, yet somehow I feel forced to hand over cash to keep the monster at bay because lets face it I live in this society.

I’m talking about the enormous amount of rent us renter’s now have to pay in order for people to be able to pay of their mortgage’s. I feel that renter’s are picking up the slack for those who have bought into the dream and simply can not pay for. I heard of those who are paying astronomical amounts of rent and yet the owner has to sell because the rent doesn’t cover the cost of the repayment’s.

Trust me I’m not a whinger and yes I understand nothing is free in this world but seriously renting should not be this expensive. The rental market where I live is in crisis mode. In order just to get a place you are competing with 50 odd people and the places are well over priced.

My despair is mostly due to the fact that the extra rent I am paying is going into the hands of either a rich westerner which is the case with us or it’s going to an unpaid consumer debt that I never bought into. I haven’t been able to give my money to a charity that repairs cleft palates in Vietnam. I haven’t been able to just put money away to randomly bless unsuspecting people who really need it. I haven’t been able to give money to missionary’s who are devoted to Jesus in another country. This really bother’s me, the weight of these gods I do not worship want to suck me in its vortex of robbery.

I don’t know how to change this  situation. I chose not to get a loan from a bank to buy an illusion yet here I am paying. The way the rental market is now you’d be better of getting your own home, however who’s going to give a loan to those with a low-income? Something has to change, we wont be able to survive under the weight of this deception and stupidity forever. We all have to live somewhere and really it’s not fair that renter’s and those with low incomes have to pick up the slack.

If only I had the power to change this situation!!!!!!!!

or should I be saying how can I change this situation??????

Tamar!! just write anything….something!!

I’ve missed my weekly blog, I was trying to do the weekly challenge and was going really well except just recently. So what does one to get back into blogging? I suggest to myself that I just start writing. Tamar just start again and there’s no time like the present.

I used to go to a writing group quite a few yrs ago now and I remember there was a discussion about writer’s block. It was suggested to there is no such thing as writer’s block because there are many ways to get the brain ticking and most of all you just need to start.

So that’s why I’m writing this blog, to kick-start my brain again to get back into the discipline of writing something every week. I find this is the same with art, you just need to start. Admittedly I haven’t done a painting in ages but I’ve been busy doing creative things so I don’t mind.

Today I had a wonderful time cafe journaling. It was the first time in ages I was able to do so, as life had gotten a little busy and unfortunately I was avoiding someone at the cafe. I know, that’s a really strange thing to say but the person I was avoiding was really strange too. When I do my cafe journaling I want to be at peace with myself and when I talk to random stranger’s it usually very pleasant.

However on this account of verbal exchanging, it went to an unpleasant place. There was an overbearing nature to the conversation and according to my husband “a bit stalkerish”. My husband wasn’t there but I told him about the interaction and when that person later rang my house my hubby answered and that’s when he got the “stalker” idea in his head!!

So at first I just avoided my usual cafe time, but then a friend of mine explained to me that why should I be the one who has to change. This is my thing and I’ve been doing it for over a year, it’s a thing that replenish’s me and when I’m writing in my journal at a cafe it makes me feel good!

So I have reclaimed my usual cafe morning’s and the person I’ve been avoiding hasn’t been there for ages. I know this because I asked the girls who work there. They all knew who I was talking about, he’s getting quite the reputation. So with that distraction out of the way I’ve returned to something that refuel’s me and gives me joy.

I hope this blog makes sense, it is a bit of a ramble lol