Why Don’t You Love Yourself?

A letter to an old friend.

Why don’t you love yourself like the rest of the world does? Why do you need to hide behind that steely look when we love your heart so much. We have seen your heart just like God has made it and it is beautiful. When you revealed your sweetness to us it was like perfume that is unique to you. No one else had that sweetness, just you.

It breaks our heart when you fall down and can’t get up. Its okay, we all have struggles. Let those who love you help you. It’s okay to be weak, it’s okay to admit defeat. You are not alone. However, it’s not okay to deceive us any more and look out with those steely eyes. It’s not okay to pretend that all is well when its plain obvious that you’re not.

When you are wearing that mask we can tell that something is wrong. We can’t quite put our finger on what is wrong but there’s an inkling of some sort. Too many years I have felt the rejection in your eyes and I understand that our friendship will never be like it was in our younger days. That’s okay because forgiveness takes away the pain and I do not take it personally as I know your inability to continue with friendships is a part of what you suffer.

You suffer this way because you don’t believe what God has said about you. He said you are beautiful and full of light and you have been blessed with an adorable personality. Do you not see this? How could you not see this?

I hope you find freedom and get to release that unique perfume that is your’s alone. How we miss it when you retreat to your dungeon. Come back, come back, please.

Now that all of your props have been removed you have skidded flat into the mud where you were but this is still not the end. There is still hope for you and I hope that you understand that. Please don’t give up as those who truly love you haven’t either, they are just not holding the props any more. The weight was too much for their soul to bare.

Forgive me when I put you on a pedestal as that was unfair to you. Forgive me when my expectation of what our friendship was different to yours. I grieve the person you were when we were friends so long ago and I realise that we have all moved on from that place. Today is new and we are all grown up and our friendship has changed over the years to this.

I remember telling you once that I thought over the years that I liked you better than you liked me and that was hard to admit but it’s just how I felt. Today I would say that I love you and I long for you to gain happiness just like I am experiencing right now. I would say that its time to get real and honest with yourself. Its time to take off the mask and reveal your vulnerability. I would say once again don’t let hope evaporate as there is always hope.

There are many who believe in you and are on your side, and the biggest person on your side is the man with holes in his feet and hands. That hand is always reaching out to you, grab a hold of it even in your weakest moment. Just grab it. Of course you know this but as I write this letter to you dear friend I want you to know that the love of God has not run out.

Get well old friend

All of us who adore you

Letting the Outdoors Influence the Inside

For over a year now I have been attending my local community garden and I never get sick of it. I have found time after time that it inspires and sparks creativity in so many different ways. Sometimes the inspiration is unexpected, like when I made a tee pee or when I decided to put a green sari on the wall to represent a tree house in my lounge room.

This leads me to talk about how the outside is influencing my interior design for my little abode. I have always loved green and I enjoy nature colours and by placing them in my house I have found that it really does make me feel good!!!!!

Last year I made the wall hanging from a stick and other collected  items from the garden. I did those little paintings while sitting at the garden with some music to accompany me.

I look forward to see how more inspiration comes as there is a turn of the season and I hope to create a legacy of some kind that will inspire people to love nature and to let your home be designed in a way that makes you feel good.

Giving and Receiving.

I’m starting to have a fresh revelation about generosity and what it is to be a giver.

I remember a while back when I didn’t have a car due do unexpected circumstances that I began to believe God for a miracle. A part of the manifestation of that miracle was for me to start being a person who gave money away. Inevitably I received a car from a very lovely lady indeed.

Today I have a deeper revelation about what generosity is and it’s changing my life.

For the past year we have been in a situation that our finances haven’t been enough to cover our expenses and we have been vulnerable and put in a situation of helplessness. In this time I have learnt to be a receiver and have been receiving gladly. I’m not talking about being an ungratefully selfish taker but a receiver with a thankful heart.

Most of my life I have seen myself as one who is like a camel in the desert just wondering from one water hole to the next but that is not God’s plan for me!!! I am to walk in the abundance and the abundance has been showering down on me like I’ve never before experienced in my life.

Today as I went to pay for my chi latte and egg and bacon roll it had been paid for…… AGAIN!!!! This has been happening to me for the past month!!! The shower of blessing has been coming my way and I am ever grateful every time that it happens. But guess what??? I tried to do the same to at least three people today and they refused.

What is wrong with you people????? Don’t you realise that this shower of blessing that is on my life is amazing???

This is when I suddenly realised that as a person who has been receiving at lot lately that I had to overcome much shame. I’ve had to realise The love of God and there is nothing that I can do that will make God love me any more then he does right now. I had to put aside my pride and just accept that I am a person who has needs. I also now can see that my giving has changed.

When I give now I am giving from the experience that has come upon me and I just want to share indiscriminately and joyfully. I feel that my giving is because I have been given to and I don’t have any bragging rights with that.

Anyway, I haven’t had time to really mull this thought over but I know that I’m on to something…….just learn to receive as I believe that it will make you a much more compassionate giver…amen.

The Nourishment of Joy

Life for me lately has been pretty good and it feels like I have been feasting on the fruit of joy. It’s supernatural, as this is something that I have not experienced before. I know this, as I have always been a happy person who copes through life no matter what happens. The past year has been the exception, but anyone would go nuts with how my life has panned out for the past 7 years.

How did this happen??

All I can say is that hunger to know The Father and spend time in the loving arms of God has increased and every time I take a small step towards God, he takes a big step towards me.

One night I was having a little dance listening to Our Father on YouTube

I was getting into it so much that my engagement ring flung off (it was just like diamonds and gold falling from heaven……not!!).  I then went to bed and the air was alive with the sound of  distant thunder and crickets singing loudly. I saw  lightning and then I saw a vision of me running from a beautiful room and into the hands of God and I was safe.

I feel safe and secure for the first time in ages and I am living it up!!! It is time to obtain my yield and believe what God says about me. I’m going to plant a garden in my back yard and make a teepee, I will get a job and no one is going to underestimate me any more. The time for that is passed. I will love this place where I live like I’m living the dream and my heart will yearn for what is possible. I will be the leader I am called to be and will do it with Grace. This is a great day and I’m eating the fruit of joy that is beyond this world!!!