Yeah for going Slow

Today I started Study Period 2 and I am only doing one subject this time. As a result of dropping a subject I already feel good about my future studies. This morning I felt a sense of relief as I logged into my student portal to retrieve my learning modules and it was at that moment when knew that I was going to enjoy the next three months of study. This calmness of mind helps me to digest what I am reading and makes me feel confident of potential good performances.

I am not in a hurry to become a teacher as I already am one and have been for many years. I’m not in a hurry as I feel that the journey is way more important then just getting a degree. I don’t want to be a person who just does things to tick the boxes because really, where is the enjoyment of that???

I have always been a person who needs to go slow as my brain does not pick things up well when things are lightning speed. I always say that I am the Tortoise and often quote “It’s the tortoise who got there first”.

I also think that multitasking is overrated and if you can do it successfully then know that  you are gifted. I, alas do not have this gift as my stress levels bombard me with overwhelming feelings of “I can’t do this”.

Today as I took the slow road I felt so much better about everything, I could stop and ponder my assignment with happiness rather than impending doom, I could get excited about making plans, I could enjoy my coffee, I could enjoy my day and I can smile about tomorrow.

This is a topic that I never tire of as the pressures of this world often tries to gobble me up, however I am thankful to God that I was created with good intrapersonal skills to know myself and am able to get back on the slow track of life. As I ponder this topic further I often wonder if we were meant to be living a fast pace life. For some, I think they need to live fast as they might get bored otherwise but for others like me; feeling groovy is way better than getting there quickly. On that note here’s a little tune that sums up what I’m feeling.

Oh Dear!! A late submission

I have just completed and sent an assignment that was supposed to be sent last night and I’m a little dissapointed with myself but not devastated. My brain just hasn’t been able to get the information that I’ve read out of my head and into a format that is ready for marking.

Oh well, life could be worse!!

It has been a distracting couple of weeks as my husband went on a mission to India. You can read about his adventures on his blog called  Deeper Cries Out. It has also been school holidays and when the young lad is home every day it is very hard to concentrate on writing, so my studies kind of went blah!!!!

I really didn’t care to be honest as I decided that this holidays were going to be fun and if my studies fall by the way side for two weeks then so be it. This holidays we went to the garden where I actually did some gardening for once lol. (usually I’ve been skipping around the garden like a little kid). I also took my son to free holiday activities for those  who live in the post code 2523.

I’m not sure about my son but I had fun. I even made an awesome percussion instrument

This is me rocking it out at the homestead!!

Please ignore the mess of my abode.

Any hoo, back to school next week and then I can get on with my studies and hope for the life of me I don’t fail 🙂

And I Shall Read Novels

For the next three months I am looking forward to reading novels and gobbling them down like a juicy fruit!!

I’ve decided to take a break from the next study period and recommence my studies in August as I feel very worn out at the moment. I think I’m still recovering from the Christmas holidays when I very unwisely undertook two subjects and nearly had a mental breakdown!!!!

So, on Wednesday I submitted my last assignment for my current subject and now I am looking forward to the many novels that one can read within a three-month period. It really feels like I’m going on a holiday whoo hoo!! Lets pack my creative writing bags and go on a literacy journey that has nothing to do with academic reading that requires me to respond in an academic way…it’s just all so dry!!

I am going to look forward to this time guilt free and I will regain my motivation that is required to maintain when undertaking studies of any kind. I will stop and smell the flowers and enjoy the Autumn/winter light. I will take my journal to all of my favourite cafes and just write self indulgent stuff that requires no referencing of any kind, because they are my words and they shall not be marked at all!! I shall walk slowly and take many photo’s with my iphone and drench them through Instagram like a cattle dipping experience. Well perhaps this isn’t the best way to describe it but it kind of had a groovy ring to it, so being an artist I just went for it.

I shall walk around with a smile on my face and will talk to many random strangers, which by the way is not creepy because I’m not creepy. I will be content, shall be recharged and ready to deal with stuff that I otherwise have not been able to handle of late. I will watch TV, I shall visit the library and most importantly I shall read novels!!!!!!!!

Did someone say it was the 11th of FEB????

Wow!! Hi everyone can’t believe we are well into February already!!! My head-space for the past couple of months has been very distracted and at times even tormented! Well tormented seems a little extreme as I live in a peaceful country with no real threat to my daily peaceful life , yet tormented by the fact I had assignments to complete in the middle of a holiday.

Well, assignments have been completed and its taken me days to recover from the lack of sleep and now I’m sitting back with a book that has me riveted!!! So what can I learn from this experience? Well friends, when its a holiday have a holiday and don’t ever pretend that you are a wonder women who can juggle better then a circus performer. In fact I literally can not juggle in real life let alone figuratively….just let be a lesson for me!!

Anyway I thought I’d drop a word here or two considering I haven’t posted anything for two weeks and just like go WOW!!!!!!…the year is buzzing passed so quickly!!!!

Off loading my crap to the girl at Gloria Jeans!!!!

This Christmas holiday break has not felt like a break at all!!! I, in my greatness of wisdom decided to do a study period consisting of two subjects smack bang in the middle of a BLOODY HOLIDAY!!!! Seriously who studies at this time of year???? Not only have I been stressed out to my eyeballs studying, sadly my Father-in-law passed away just before Christmas. I tell you now, it’s very hard to concentrate when you are faced with all of this going on.

I want to be strong, I want to excel like some freaky Wonder women (does she even exist??) I want to be a mum to my son and a wife to my husband who just lost his dad and I want to be happy and have my sanity to remain intact. But let me inform you all, I’m losing  it, I’m not strong at the moment and I’ll never be a freaky wonder women and my Son and husband deserve a mum and wife who’s sanity is in tact.

Today I went for coffee but I ordered a chi latte instead (gosh they’re nice) and before you know it I’m offloading all my crap to the girl who works at Gloria Jeans. I was explaining how next study period I will drop a subject so that I can recover my sanity. She said “no way! get it all over and done with as soon as you can” I said “NO!! noooooo waaaaay” I then commenced to give her a monologue of Tamar philosophy of why one must not try to get things over and done with.

I was on a roll I expressed with passion that “it’s not worth it, what’s  the point of getting there quickly when you haven’t enjoyed the journey. getting a degree doesn’t define who I am. For goodness sake I’m 39 and it took me this long to finally begin to study. what’s the rush??? I value my happiness. What kind of mum can I be to my child who has a disability if I’m stressed out bawling my eyes out every day??? It’s the tortoise that got there first!! Slow and steady wins the race. Being healthy isn’t just physical but mental too. This society puts too much pressure for people to rush. Everyone’s rushing and not taking the time to just enjoy their life. I am not that person, I need holidays, I need my heart to be restful, I need to go a slower pace, I need to enjoy the journey and that’s what I intend to do”

So!!! that’s me, just offloading my crap to the girl at Gloria Jeans!!!!!

Just needing to vent a little

• I need a cup of tea
• I need a hair cut
• I need extensions (and I don’t mean hair ones but rather the kind of the assignment type)
• I need to reconsider doing a study period at this time of year (am I insane???)
• I need to grieve (my Father-in-law passed away last Sunday)
• I need Christmas to be relaxing and back to basics (got no money)
• I need money (who doesn’t lol…sorry for that bit, I hate windging about such matters)
• I need empathy not symathy
• I need space to do my uni stuff (bugger!! it’s school holidays…..six weeks of it)
• I need to purchase more undies for my son who is now toilet trained (albeit he still does have accidents…..did I use albeit in correct context???)
• I need to find out why our electricity sky rocketed out of control ( we have a leak somewhere)
• I need to pause as I make myself a cup of tea
• pause
• I need to get more exercise
• I need to get on with my assignments (I’m distracted and here I am writing a blog)
• I need to eat one of those chocolate truffles that I made (they are soooooo yummy)
• I need to think of more things to need (just so I can extend this post out a little longer to make it look more balanced since I threw a pause in there. It will look top heavy other wise…..or maybe not??)
• I need to check my Facebook and Instagram regularly (No!! I’m not addicted!!!)
• I need to stop venting and get back to my studies!!!
• I need to say “see you in the next post and thank you for reading” 🙂

So I had a big cry and rang Maggie!!!

Last night I had  to hand in my first assignment for my uni course and it was almost traumatic!!!  I spent the whole week working on it  feeling as though I was burning time and not getting anywhere. The subject matter was something that I really enjoyed, I had to interview two parent’s  about their views on play.

I haven’t studied for so long that words like referencing and appendix etc are all like another language to me.  As I’m doing this course online  it has been revealed that certain things have missed my radar like; make sure you submit your assignment with a cover page!!!!!

So after much sweat, agony and over use of brain matter I submitted my assignment in the drop box. I felt somewhat relieved and was thinking Thank goodness that bit’s over, or so I thought!!! As I was readying my self for bed I went to turn off the computer but at the last minute decided to check my uni emails and sure enough there was a message from my tutor.

The message was informing me that I had no title page or an appendix!!!…..arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! I just wanted to go to bed and what’s an appendix????????

So I did a quick Google search as well as giving myself a very quick tutorial that are available through the blackboard academic suite and promptly fixed up my colossal stuffup!!!(sorry for the cliche but I’m not writing for uni now!!!)

Today I woke up in tears as the whole experience had left me drained and emotional so I rang Maggie!! Maggie is our supper dooper Pastor and really cares for people. The phone call was great and as I was specking to her I said I just want some one to say to me “bad starts don’t mean bad endings”

So today is a new day and I will learn how to be a good academic writer. I just need to hang in there and persevere and give myself a break course lets face it…….uni stuff is not natural!!!!!!

Feels like I’ve got a brick in my head!!!

This is my third week of studying and lets just say it’s hurting my brain!!!! I’m not used to this intense reading and gathering of information and lets face it, academics love using big words.

To remedy this I have found when it gets all a bit too much I’ve been going out to the garage and splashing some paint on a canvas. The funny thing is I haven’t painted anything for a whole year, so now that I’m swamped with Uni stuff it seems to be a strong motivation to release the pain!!!!

I didn’t think your brain could really hurt from studying but now I’m convinced that it can. I’m not being dramatic it’s true and I could envision a black brick in my left side of the brain. It felt like it was throbbing(poor thing).

Having said all that, I really don’t think it’s a bad thing for your brain to be stretched. It’s a challenge and the end result will be worth all the injury to my brain. I’ll be a qualified teacher and you can’t regret that!!

Uni….my first week!!!

So it’s been a week tomorrow that I’ve started my Uni Course and it’s been both stressful yet exhilarating. I’m doing my course online so for me the challenge has been learning to use the site and navigate my way around it.

I feel like I’m starting to find my feet and I’m hoping tomorrow I can organize the week better and get things done not at the last minute. Which is something I’ve always done in the past I was a last minute girl but I’m determined to change that aspect of me!!!

What I have found helpful in my studies has been to take my reading material to a variety of local cafe’s. For some, this may seem like a crazy idea but for me I find it works beautifully.  If I was to just stay home I would be so much more distracted then if I go out and grab a coffee while I do work!!!!

I enjoy the background noise that a public space has to offer. I feel that it urges me on to keep going until I finish my allocated task during the coffee session.

Another place that I found great was my home town library where I took my laptop and that’s where I learnt better how to navigate the blackboard and how the group forums work etc. It’s always a bit exciting when the light bulb goes on!!!!

I am however having a big struggle with the whole referencing thing. Yes I know it’s very important but it’s doing my head in!!!!!!!! It’s the same thing that did my head in when I was 22 and made my first uni attempt back in the early 90’s however, this time I’m not going to run.

So here’s to giving it a go and meeting all my challenges one by one!!

When someone believes in you!!

Over the years I’ve had a few people believe in me and I am grateful to those who have and always remember who they are. In this post I just want to talk about one in particular who encouraged me to go to Uni.

About 20 yrs ago I was doing a short  six month course at TAFE called Understanding Children. I found the course to be a lot of fun and hadn’t realised how passionate I felt about the developing process of a child. Not only did I feel passionate about this topic I also thrived at it and felt that I would like to pursue some type of career in this field. My ideas then were to become a child care worker and do some further studies at TAFE.

One day as I was leaving a classroom at the end of a lesson the teacher called me over and asked me what my plans were after this course? When I answered her she then encouraged me to lift the bar higher and suggested that I go to Uni and become a teacher. She then said “you don’t belong here, you belong over there” and pointed at the University that was across the freeway.

I have to say that I was a little stunned at remark as there was no way ever I could see myself being a person who went to Uni. I think she may have noticed the expression on my animated face as then she said “seriously, you are a teacher go and be one!!!”

After that conversation I did as she suggested and started seeking a way for me to become a teacher that I secretly always wanted to be but never thought I could. I ended up in a bridging course that lasted two terms, its intention was to ready students for Uni life. Although I really enjoyed the course called the Gateway, I felt that it was all a bit overwhelming for me.

I was 22 and had no idea that everyone gets overwhelmed at study but today I am 39 and I am ready to pick up where I left off. As I walk towards my goal of becoming a teacher I think of that teacher who believed in me and saw my potential. I hope that as I have been believed in that I too can be a person who would do and be likewise.

We all need someone to believe in us!!!