Yeah for going Slow

Today I started Study Period 2 and I am only doing one subject this time. As a result of dropping a subject I already feel good about my future studies. This morning I felt a sense of relief as I logged into my student portal to retrieve my learning modules and it was at that moment when knew that I was going to enjoy the next three months of study. This calmness of mind helps me to digest what I am reading and makes me feel confident of potential good performances.

I am not in a hurry to become a teacher as I already am one and have been for many years. I’m not in a hurry as I feel that the journey is way more important then just getting a degree. I don’t want to be a person who just does things to tick the boxes because really, where is the enjoyment of that???

I have always been a person who needs to go slow as my brain does not pick things up well when things are lightning speed. I always say that I am the Tortoise and often quote “It’s the tortoise who got there first”.

I also think that multitasking is overrated and if you can do it successfully then know that  you are gifted. I, alas do not have this gift as my stress levels bombard me with overwhelming feelings of “I can’t do this”.

Today as I took the slow road I felt so much better about everything, I could stop and ponder my assignment with happiness rather than impending doom, I could get excited about making plans, I could enjoy my coffee, I could enjoy my day and I can smile about tomorrow.

This is a topic that I never tire of as the pressures of this world often tries to gobble me up, however I am thankful to God that I was created with good intrapersonal skills to know myself and am able to get back on the slow track of life. As I ponder this topic further I often wonder if we were meant to be living a fast pace life. For some, I think they need to live fast as they might get bored otherwise but for others like me; feeling groovy is way better than getting there quickly. On that note here’s a little tune that sums up what I’m feeling.

I’ve cut down all my trees

This is a very odd statement but it describes how I currently feel right now.

I have always been a coper in life knowing that my inner resources were in tact and well able to get me through whatever obstacle’s  that would come my way. Today, not so.

If my inner strength were trees then I have cut them all down and all have been consumed.

I know this because I have been crying everyday for about a month (perhaps more) and I have cried at every social place that I go to. I burst into tears at Coffee group, My time, Church, Kidzwish (a local charity), at my son’s school and at the shopping centre.

I had to finally ask myself “am I depressed???” I took myself to the Doctors this week to address my swollen ankles and heart palpitations and the good news is, my body is okay. It would be very easy for me to overlook the emotional side, as I’ve always been strong on the inside but when you have chopped down all of your trees????

In the past I have survived on being stoic but I can no longer rest on that, I can no longer say I’m okay when I’m not and I can no longer be like the black knight in the Monty Python And the Holy Grail!!! “It’s just a flesh wound”

I have to get real and accept whatever help I can get and it’s okay to say I’m not okay!!!

I need to do a swap with God: give him my burdens for his Grace…Awesome, bring it oooonnn with an anti-depressant included 🙂

Yes me!! taking a happy pill….I’m feeling good already. I thought that I would never see this day but I am walking away from stoicism, so it’s a given that I have to do things differently.

If you are like me and are struggling to EVEN recognised that you are  depressed then ask your loved ones for their opinion. If they say yes then seek help!! Go to your local GP, check out what is available to you but get help!!!!…..Don’t worry I am preaching to myself!!!!!!!!

Here is a check list that may be of assistance. HAPPY HAPPY JOY

Filling out form anxiety…… Is it just me??

I struggle so much with filling out forms that it almost becomes a full-blown anxiety attack. I’ve had in my possession forms to apply for carer’s payment and lets just say i’ve spent a lot of weeks in procrastination towards these dreaded forms.

I’ve recently just applied to commence study for my bachelor of education ( early childhood) and was looking to perhaps apply for Austudy. Now that’s an added dilemma, which one should I apply for and how do I complete these forms with my sanity intact??

I feel so frustrated at myself for being this way as it feels like such a minimal thing to be anxious over. Is it just me or do other’s feel this pain too????

Vaccinations….I understand the anxiety!!

Many years ago before I was pregnant I met a crazy lady with poppy out eyes who was passionately against vaccination’s. She captivated  me with her passion and next thing you know I’m sitting in her kitchen listening about the danger’s of child vaccinations.

She made the claim that her daughter became paralyzed after receiving her first needles but helped her get better through organic means. After experiencing her scary situation she then  began her prolific research into the danger’s of vaccinations. It seemed according to her that everything bad from asthma, autism to allergies was due to vaccinations.

Her arguments sounded convincing and she had so much information to back up her claims. I just sat there with an open mind drinking endless cups of tea and gobbled  all the information up.

When it came to finally experiencing pregnancy and of course having my baby I was then faced with the vaccination issue.When it came to the needle time I found myself having a whole lot of anxiety. Through that time I talked to a lot of people about it which only added to my confusion because everyone seems to have a strong opinion on the topic.

I talked to God about it and decided to just trust that whatever decision I made would be the right one. I ended up at the Doctors and burst into tears when the vaccination topic came up and somehow the confusion ceased and I allowed my Son the get his needles. The Doctor was very calm and was able to ease my fears some very sound information.

I have no regrets from allowing my Son to be vaccinated especially after watching 60 minutes last night and that Mum whose tears where flowing because her baby died from whooping-cough.

I don’t want to judge anyone’s choice on this topic, I really just wanted to express my experience.  It’s such an emotionally charged topic and I can see clearly both sides of the story. I should say however, that I think vaccinations are important and if I were to have another child there would be no confusion the next time around.

Letting go of the dream and embracing a new one!!

It was my dream for my son who has VCFS to attend the school that my husband I went to. It’s the closest nearby school and has many memories that are sentimental and powerful. When my son was born that’s the school that I’d thought he’d attend, no deviation from the plan. However, as time has swiftly moved and circumstances have taken me by surprise I’ve had to rethink the dream.

At the beginning of the year I can say that the thought of Zachy going to school would send me in a moment of worry and concern toppled with much anxiety.  His toilet training and his functioning age was very much behind peer’s his own age. There was also tears of just feeling overwhelmed by the whole school thing.

Sometime mid year I was encouraged to visit schools that had an IO unit as my Son had recently been diagnosed with having a moderate intellectual disability. I visited three in total and was impressed with them all. I then began to change my mind about holding him back a year as these schools have a wonderful program and attitude towards children like my son. The fact that my Son is still in nappy’s, dribbles madly gets distracted and lost  is a non issue. I feel that my son will be nurtured and yet challenged, accepted and taught with excellence and encouragement to bring out his abilities.

The thought of school now excites me and I realise there is a whole different world other than my fixed dream to embrace. It’s what you make it and this VCFS journey before me is full of adventure and quite often the unknown.  I do put my trust in Jesus and know that whatever happens I will be okay. We all have dreams but sometimes the dreams need a little adjustment.