A Shift With My Journalling

I started to journal regularly at café’s shortly after my mum passed away and when I did I started with a cheap soft cover lined journal. When I had completed that one, I decided to spend a bit more money and honour what I was writing and found my first Pepper Pot journal.

It’s been five pretty and committed years of scribing my thoughts as I have sipped coffee in satisfying contentment.

I was getting to the end of my current journal and this is when  the hunt begins for a new Pepper Pot however, this year was difficult and none of the regular haunts stocked them any more, like none!! I searched for a good two months and even went searching while I was in Perth just recently.

NONE

This is when I really started to talk to God about my journal conundrum and my discussion with God has led me in a whole new journalling direction.

I bought myself a visual diary and lets just say that I’m glad I listened to God when he spoke “It’s a new day”

So armed with my new journal style I went to a cafe and came up with this

I really enjoy this new style and feel released and free. I have also noticed that something powerful is happening as I am doing this. It feels as though I have connected with God in a way that is beyond myself and that when I am drawing, I am praying.

I have also experienced some powerful unexpected moments like the time I met a lovely family from Saudi Arabia. The little boy drew a picture of me which I will treasure forever.

I have also noticed that by drawing it is helping me get my ideas for preaching or teaching and my brain is getting into some kind of order.

This is some of my notes for a sermon that I am working on

This is the start of my lesson plan for teaching about Permaculture

It’s like the flood gates have opened and I’m feeling refreshed at this shift in my journalling. It’s like paddling in a canoe with the current on my side and all of creation is cheering me on. It’s a joy, it’s powerful, It’s love.

 

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Just recently (well maybe for the past year) I have been very busy making the rented house that we live in a home. One of the things that have made this space feel like home is our backyard chickens.

Good morning ladies

Last year I had an incredibly significant dream. I dreamt that I was at my mum’s house and I was tending a garden in the back yard, I was also creating mosaic arts works. As I was doing this I said “but I don’t live here, it’s not my house?” and God replied “this is your inheritance” and I repeated “but I don’t own this house any more, we sold it” and again God said “this is your inheritance” and again I insisted to God “we sold the house, it doesn’t belong to me” and finally God’s answer “Tamar, this is your inheritance”

I woke from and knew immediately what the dream was about. God was telling me that even though I am living in a rented house I am to love it as though I own it. I was being told and given permission by the almighty God to live like a child with an inheritance.

That’s quite a revelation to walk in and one that has given me much peace an excitement. You see by following what God has instructed me to I have been busy planting gardens and building a positive future. Okay, what if the landlord boots us out?

So?

The knowledge that I have gained in my heart about gardens, design or sustainability can never be taken from me. The land lord only has a piece of paper that declares that he is the owner of the property and we take care of the property and pay the rent as responsible citizens that we are.

My inheritance is much more than just ownership……it goes deeper than that.

So enough of the chit-chat and here is some pictures of the creative fun that I have been having making this little abode more than just a dwelling.

 

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This is just the beginning and my head is buzzing with joy as I live as one who has an inheritance in God.

 

 

 

My Cult Experience

This is a little bit hard for me to write and I’m not really sure why,  as over the years I have been quite willing to share this strange chapter of my life.

As a child I had good discernment of who was a good person and who was bad and responded accordingly. When I got a bit older, for some reason I forgot how to use my discernment. I think it was because at 17 I gave my life to Jesus and decided it was time to love everybody, which there’s nothing wrong with that. With my new-found faith I became free to enjoy people without my shy mask and went about life being full of much zeal but lacking in some  necessary wisdom.

It had been a few years down the track when I got mixed up with a group that, at first glance had me feeling a bit cautious and instead of listening to my gut instinct about them I went along  with the ride. I was introduced to this group by friends from Sydney who would come down for weekends to stay in a house next to one of my local friend.

They had met a prophetess who somehow inspired more zeal and excitement for the Lord. Some of them even gave up surfing for six months or one of them cut his hair as a sign of his devotion to the Lord. After about a year of them praising their new prophetess the group decided to evangelise  my small town.

They decided to do this at the tail end of the Christmas holidays way back in 1993 (I think). At first I could sense that the prophetess was playing her cards carefully on my behalf because she could tell I wasn’t to be won over that easily.  When I look back she was playing a very smooth game.

I suppose that I should explain a bit of what this cult was all about? They were a Christian based cult that took one scripture about demon possession and claimed that everyone was indeed, demon possessed

I will skip to the night where I had my (so-called) deliverance where I thought that I was possessed. I wasn’t going to attend that meeting, however one of my friends who had become a hard-core convert pulled out all of  the manipulation tactics and somehow I was convinced to go. When we arrived, there was an evangelist giving a talk and then we all broke up in little groups. I had two young women either side of me praying and giving me instructions on how to breathe. “As the air that you breathe” and as I was doing funny breaths they were praying things like “COME OUT in the name of JESUS”!

Right there, the continuing of mind control which I will say was a form of hypnosis. Strange breathing along side with repeated statements is a recipe to make one suggestible for the next stage. The next stage was when the Prophetess came up to me and placed oil on the palm of my hands. When that happened, I was on the floor like a women possessed, out of control and thrashing about like a child having a tantrum. Whatever demon that they said I had, I would act it out. The process seemed to go forever and I was exhausted and when I thought it was over it I’d go to just sit up and everyone would drive more devils out of me.

After the night had finished my vulnerability to this group had increased dramatically, as I suddenly was bombarded with thoughts like, I need this group. Who else was doing this type of deliverance? No body else understands my predicament like this group does!! That’s called priming someone for isolation. I was also ready for the prophetess to tell me whom I should marry. EEEkkkkk.

The next day I was full of confusion and when I went to prayer meeting at my own church the Pastor began to warn every one of the group which only increased my confusion. I then went and sat on the stair case in the foyer. I prayed to God for help and I asked that he send to me a specific person in the church who I knew could give me clarity. The next minute that person had walked out of the prayer meeting, walked up the stairs where I was sitting and said “So what’s going on?”

The relief was like melting butter. We talked.  She said lots of good things about love and reminded me of scriptures that explain how this group was not doing God’s will.  After that, our youth pastor gave us (by then the whole group who had attended that night were gathered)  the same scriptures and reminded us how much we were loved by our church. Our then Pastor also joined us and prayed with us. The aftermath happened with love and care and I was able to overcome my experience without too much damage.

Days after my true freedom experience  I had to confront someone from the cult. It was difficult as I had to kick them out of my house but necessary as I am not a slave to man I am a child of God.

As I reflect upon this experience I know that it made me wiser, it caused me to trust my discernment, I realised that not everyone who claims that they know Jesus Christ actually knows Jesus Christ, it created a stronger desire to read the word of God and it made me more compassionate for those who are trapped in abusive relationships or situations.

I know that I follow a loving God who does not use manipulation or control as we have all been blessed with a free will. I do not give up on meeting with other believers as the bible instructs and I test the spirit with the word of God so that I will never be trapped by a man made lie ever again.

If you can identify with this story and are worried about yourself or a loved one please reach out to your local church or if you need more intense help I have connected some resources below.

Resources

Cult Information and Family Support Inc.
Cult Consulting Australia 

ReachOut.com

 

 

My Husband The Worshipper

I want to talk about my husband Jason who is the worship leader of our church, Grace Church Shellharbour City. I consider him to be a very unconventional leader who doesn’t fit the western-pentecostal- charismatic image at all. In fact, we as husband and wife lead unconventionally ; Jase leads from the front and I lead from the back.

How did this happen? Well you can read about the tale here.

I don’t really want to dwell on the past but describe what has come to pass and how proud of Jason I am. Over the five years that he has been worship leader he has wanted to quit so many times that I really  have lost count. He never chased this leadership role, yet has embraced it as the true worshipper  that he is (except for the countless times that he has wanted to quit). What I am trying to say is that he is not one to chase after power, just God!!

Why has God kept him there?

I’ll tell you why

He is one who the Father seeks for as Jesus said “Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshippers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshippers the Father seeks. 24 God is spirit, and his worshippers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.” – John 4:23-24

He wakes every morning and worships God, he seeks others who want to worship God, he is faithful to God, family, church and he has allowed God to increase his vision so that we can record our own church album.

My husband is quiet, therefore quietly spoken and he is not business minded nor does he sprout out buzz words. He is who he is.

I love him

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1 Peter 2:9

The other day I took a walk down to my local shopping centre when I noticed this tag

I was immediately struck by the prophetic nature of the image, so I took a pic and proclaimed 1 Peter 2:9 over the person who scribed it

 But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession,that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

I want to clarify that I do not condone tagging or criminal behaviour, yet looking at this tag gave me hope for this city. God loves the people who live in this post code and lets not forget it.

A week after capturing the tag we had our band  fund-raiser so that we can purchase equipment to record our songs. I had no intention of doing any prophetic art but after the prompting of one of our church members I thought, what a good idea.

As I started painting that night, I had no clue about what I was going to create until God reminded me of the tag.

The image down the bottom is a big symbolic hug. Not only does Jesus want to call this post code his royal priest hood but he wants to give it a big Heavenly hug.

I’m glad that I captured the tag, as today it was gone. It was white washed over and as we all know,  tagging is naughty.

I Jumped In

Today I did something new. I stripped down to my bra and undies and had a soak in the ocean. It felt exhilarating, refreshing and a much-needed thing to do at the end of a big weekend.

Prior to having a refreshing soak in the ocean my heart was a bit sore as it had been wounded by a hurting individual who had struck out at my hubby and I for our parenting style.

Instead of ranting all over Facebook, I decided to write my thoughts down in my journal, then I thought I should go to the beach and have a talk to God. When I got to my destination this is what I saw.

How could you look at that and not dive in?

I then did the only sensible thing one must do in this situation and took my clothes off and dived in the water. I floated, soaked, sang and talked to God. As I was floating in the clear water I was imagining that I was floating in Gods love, immersed in his abundant forgiveness and healing. Feeling the bitterness disappear, replaced with the peace of Gods loving kindness.

Wow, what a day.

When you get wounded the worst thing to do, would be to pick up the arsenal of revenge and fire back. I want to follow Heaven’s blue print on this one, as it makes me feel so much better than before.

You Know You’re Healed When…..

A couple of years ago I used to get annoyed when people would describe me as different or unusual. I don’t mean that I resist on being different but I was annoyed because for some reason this quality seemed to put me in a place where I was often made to feel underestimated. I do get it that people see me as a little quirky and I embrace that. It’s cool to be different.

So what was bothering me? As I mentioned before I often felt underestimated but in all fairness to others, I was underestimating myself.

When I started getting really poopy about this scenario I would simply go to God and ask Why am I getting so upset about this?? GRRRRR. 

God heard my heart cry and began the healing process. Part of that was to just stop underestimating myself, to stop relishing in self-pity and embrace the quirky that God has made me to be.

I am quirky; hear me do heaps of stuff you never thought of doing………….ROAR 

Today It doesn’t matter at all if I am underestimated as I know that my heart is healed. If I get judged, it’s okay. I saw a comical image of Jesus  and he was saying to me “check this out Tamar, I’m dangling on the cross taking it all for you. everything babe, every false accusation, every nasty word that was directed your way, every stuff up you did and every soul crushing curse”.

I am free and my heart is full of joy. My Promotion comes from the favour of God and if God opens the door for me then no person can ever close it. I now move forward in confidence.

Prophetic Art

Just recently I have launched out and have begun to do prophetic drawings for other people.

What is Prophetic art?

What I consider to be prophetic art is where I create from God’s heart to bless the person whom I am creating for. I’m not the only one doing this kind of thing. Here is what others say about prophetic art’ Worship Studio, Prophetic Artists,  Daniel Vogler and many more.

My journey as an artist began as a small child and I have always considered myself an artist. When I was 17 I came to the Lord and found a whole new and wonderful life to live. When it came to God and art I always saw the connection but I never saw myself as a Christian artist. I have always seen myself as an artist who loves God. Yes, there is a difference 🙂

A number of years ago I painted my first prophetic painting at church (You can read about it here) and I had no idea that it was prophetic until a few years later when one of our elders mentioned it. Oh yeah, that’s prophetic!!! So that was in front of a church and a word in season but what about individuals?

So strangely at the end of last year I had a compulsion to draw this picture about one of my friends

My friend is the one who is flying and I had no intention of ever showing him the picture until I had another sudden urge to show him. The very next day I received a word saying that I will paint pictures that will bring healing to the person I have painted for. Things are heating up people!!!

So I began the journey after one of my friends asked me for one

I then thought that I would draw a picture for the newly appointed elders of our church.

It’s important to note that this is not my style of art, yet it is a thoroughly enjoyable way to be creative. I think about the person and ask God what I should draw. I then get an image. Once I start the first part of the picture the rest just flows and God gives me an encouraging word for the recipient.  I also pray that what I drawing will mean something to the receiver and that it indeed shall bring a healing to them that is supernatural. This really is an exciting way to do art. I love it.

Today I drew another picture for someone. While I was drawing this I was reflecting on a word I had received the night before from one of our elders. she saw me giving away daisy’s to people. Oh yeah…..love that word. I then had a sudden Holy Ghost thought “I should draw daisy’s and give them away” So I did!!

 

I gave these two to the cafe workers who serve me coffee all the time.

 

 

 I’m so loving doing all this creative stuff.

This is just the beginning of an exciting journey and I am struggling to put into words but I’ll try because I want to keep a record of this awesome wave I am on.

I’ll shall keep you all posted.

Words Fail….At The Moment

Recently I have found it very difficult to put words down. Even in my journal where nothing is viewed except me, I have struggled to just write the words that bubble in my brain. It seems a bit of a shame, as so many great things are happening in my life right now. It’s as though I am living the dream.

What is the dream?

To be happy

Look at me I am happy

There has been an increased revelation of God’s love for me where I have learnt to just believe what God says about me as truth and to stop carrying on about what I am not.

I have a lovely family. I have a garden. I have chooks. I have peace. I have friends. I have the favour of God. I have pink hair. I have creativity. I have the abundance of God. I have joy

As words seemed to escape me of late let me show you what adventures I have experienced this recent month.

Our girls lay eggs

Our worship team have been meeting to write our own songs. We have become home-grown.

We are doing a pantomime at the community garden

I got to play dress ups for the panto

I got my hair dyed pink

We have baby chickens

Received sponsorship for the panto from Shellharbour City Council 

I got an opportunity to create prophetic drawings for our newly appointed elders

What further things can I add? So many great things that probably don’t need words, or the words are in my head mixed with joy and excitement that it’s difficult to express with just words. May my pictures, body language and how I go about my daily life tell the story.

Before I sign off let me just share this video of me as Penelopen. Hope you enjoy it 🙂

I Built A Fence and Fired the Neurons

The most strangest thing has happened to me in the last week and I am loving it. I have become organised, have been cooking meals again and have felt like I have come out of some kind of hazy fog.

What happened?

I built a fence. Yes, a fence and admittedly not the most stable of fences but it has done the job which needed to be done.

I want to build and extend the garden but because we have lovely chickens, this is impossible without some kind of fence or enclosure of some sort.

Last week I decided it was time to take charge, so I armed myself with a hammer, bits of wood, bamboo and left over chicken wire and I built a fence.

I felt powerful and free and since then so many things are just falling into place. At our coffee carers today it was suggested that I have fired of some neurons. I’m no scientist but let’s go with that hey!!!

Another nice thing that I’ve noticed is how much more my son wants to interact with the chickens instead of just heading for his iPad or computer.

He’s been calling him self the white chicken.

The thing that has also been pleasing me is, that I feel like I am living the dream.I want to be that person who is resourceful and doesn’t waste. I not only want to live within my means but live in the abundance that has been promised to me through Jesus Christ.

I don’t need a lot to be happy. I just need to be empowered to do the things that matter and walk in it. And I must add, how nice is it to have the fog clearing away.