I’ve cut down all my trees

This is a very odd statement but it describes how I currently feel right now.

I have always been a coper in life knowing that my inner resources were in tact and well able to get me through whatever obstacle’s  that would come my way. Today, not so.

If my inner strength were trees then I have cut them all down and all have been consumed.

I know this because I have been crying everyday for about a month (perhaps more) and I have cried at every social place that I go to. I burst into tears at Coffee group, My time, Church, Kidzwish (a local charity), at my son’s school and at the shopping centre.

I had to finally ask myself “am I depressed???” I took myself to the Doctors this week to address my swollen ankles and heart palpitations and the good news is, my body is okay. It would be very easy for me to overlook the emotional side, as I’ve always been strong on the inside but when you have chopped down all of your trees????

In the past I have survived on being stoic but I can no longer rest on that, I can no longer say I’m okay when I’m not and I can no longer be like the black knight in the Monty Python And the Holy Grail!!! “It’s just a flesh wound”

I have to get real and accept whatever help I can get and it’s okay to say I’m not okay!!!

I need to do a swap with God: give him my burdens for his Grace…Awesome, bring it oooonnn with an anti-depressant included 🙂

Yes me!! taking a happy pill….I’m feeling good already. I thought that I would never see this day but I am walking away from stoicism, so it’s a given that I have to do things differently.

If you are like me and are struggling to EVEN recognised that you are  depressed then ask your loved ones for their opinion. If they say yes then seek help!! Go to your local GP, check out what is available to you but get help!!!!…..Don’t worry I am preaching to myself!!!!!!!!

Here is a check list that may be of assistance. HAPPY HAPPY JOY


5 responses to “I’ve cut down all my trees

  1. Not that you don’t already know this but recognizing it is the first step. I’m no doctor, but I’ve been there (and sometimes make a return trip ). Talking to friends and/or family helps, pills help, therapy maybe, but in the long run I feel it is you (me?) that needs to make adjustments, and, yes, even change your way of thinking. I believe you can make this better.
    I wish you good luck and peace. G

  2. Oh Tamar!! (((hugs2you))) I have so been here, and probably still am there in one way or another, the Dr’s told me that medicine at this stage probably wouldn’t help. I had pushed it so far down that I didn’t realise i was depressed myself – so know where you are coming from. My counsellor last year dated back my PND to when Matilda was born – that was a shock! So glad you have recognised it and are getting the help you need – it is such a hard first step but once you’ve made it you are able to begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel (which thankfully, Praise Jesus! is always there we just have to permit ourselves to look)

    Blessings to you friend, and thank you for your blog I always get so much out of reading it :o)

    Bron xx

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