But all children do that!!…do they really???

If there is one statement that gets on my nerves since finding out my son has VCFS it is this:

Oh but all children do that!!

Sure…… all children chuck tantrums, push the limits, want what they want and want it now blah blah blah blah blah.

But can I just express how it makes me feel when people say this to me?

  • I feel patronised
  • It compounds my frustration
  • It generalizes my experience and makes me feel like my difficulty isn’t valid
  • I feel as though I am unheard
  • It makes me want to shut down and not talk about how hard it is to bring a child up who displays autistic traits
  • It makes me feel worn out

I am not the person who seeks sympathy, I just need validation. I try not to windge about my circumstances but when I share about my life with a child who has a disability I cop the dreaded statement Yeah but that’s just kids. Please, just hear me.

I have a child who chucks three-year old tantrums in a near seven-year old body. Do all children do that? ?My son has obsessions that drive you crazy, like at the moment, it is watches and he constantly goes on about the time….ummmm I’ve listened to 6-7 year old conversations and they don’t sound like that!!!! My son has always been an absconder. Funny, in my experience I notice  how all the other children sit nicely and participate with designated activities while my son does his absconding trick and then I’m on the run to chase him!!!

Please, I ask If possible when talking with a mum or dad who has a child with any type of disability or ASD and they begin to share their experiences with you I ask that you refrain using the statement Oh but all children do that. 

If you use it with me I simply will not believe you.

Sorry for the rant but I’m feeling a bit fragile right now!!

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9 responses to “But all children do that!!…do they really???

  1. I sometimes wonder if people say it to try and make us parents of not so typical kids feel better about the issue we are having at the time. Quite often the behaviour is something that all kids do, but the extent of the behaviour is different…in the case of my boys anyway. You’re building a great village around your family Tamar – the people that matter hear you x

  2. Pingback: A Word in Season | Tamar's art lounge

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