Just after Mum died

Mum passed away in July 2009 and in the last week of August I was at a shopping center promoting VCFS awareness week. I was not in a good way and had turned up because I’d had everything booked prior to mum’s death.  I had chills all over my body and couldn’t get food down due to reflux brought on by grief.

As I was sitting at a table in the middle of a busy shopping center I was thinking to myself  “what am I doing here?? I really shouldn’t be here I’m a mess”! It was then I saw an image of myself sitting at the table with God beside me whispering to me “your here because you’re a Mum”

When I think of this memory I just want to cry and don’t really know why. I don’t even know why I’m thinking about it now. all I know is that it’s striking me in the heart. I look back at that person and see what a fragile mess I was. Not being able to eat was frightening and feeling like my biggest advocate in the world was gone made me feel afraid.

Soon it will be two years since Mum has gone, perhaps I just miss her?

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